He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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