I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Let's get the cat blown out
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
