I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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