I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
