Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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