I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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