Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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