I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Randomize
