I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
do herpes really smell.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
