fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
