More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
