He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
