see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
