I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
