Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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