Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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