Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
