Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
