sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
