Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
