i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
