Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i want to swaddle you in tequila
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
