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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
