I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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