I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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