I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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