porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you never un-have a 4some
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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