Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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