Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
