If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
