I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
we should paint friendship bongs
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
