jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
