i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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