oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
