Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I am available for nakedness
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
