He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
