He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
