This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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