dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
