I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
