Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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