We named our party play list daddy issues
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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