Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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