I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
