guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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