So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize