I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
