someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
