you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
