I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
