ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
