i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
