he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Drake has all the answers
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
