im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
