Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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