You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
