You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
