Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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