made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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