We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize