i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
