so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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