shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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