I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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