Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
