I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
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And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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