Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
