oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
