toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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