I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
