we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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