i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
