Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
why do cheetos always look like penises
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
