Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
