he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
