used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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