hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so that wasnt chicken after all
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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