Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
