I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
