We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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