remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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