I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
