mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
