You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
