maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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