fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
