Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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