You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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