I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize