So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize