In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
