"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
