and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
