How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
