I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
