I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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