I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
