I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
