Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
