Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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