i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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