worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
